How to Lose a Hockey Game
Sounds pretty counter-intuitive doesn’t it? Isn’t the point of hockey to win?
You’d be amazed at how much better a team can play when they understand the
Top 5 Ways to Lose A Hockey Game
#5 Way to Lose a Hockey Game- Clearing loose rebounds
If you are the D in front of the net, make sure you are completely puck focused… head on a swivel? Who does that anyway? Be puck focused to the point that when there is a rebound, it is 2 tickets to panic city! Just out-right panic and clear the puck up the middle of the ice, tape to tape to one of their trailing forwards or aimlessly to their point man so that he can step into it and hammer it passed your unsuspecting (and seriously disappointed) tender!
#4 Way to Lose a Hockey Game- Wall battles
Wingers covering the point on the far side of the puck should NEVER feel a sense of urgency when the puck gets rimmed around to their side. Why should you get to the half wall in time? It’s the D’s fault for rimming it around in the first place, don’t dare make up for his poor judgement! If that D pinches… just bury your head and over-exaggerate your arm motion to really convince the fans that you are trying to get there in time! If the D stays on the point… make sure you go hard up the boards and completely let him get the inside on you and walk the shooting lane! Don’t worry, the goalie’s got it…
#3 Way to Lose a Hockey Game- Breakouts
Whoever said breaking out of a zone in hockey had anything to do with support and making yourself available as a passing option is absolutely clueless and obviously never played the game. What kind of coach would expect a player to think about their teammates first? Don’t get down deep on the wall as a winger facing the defenceman. Just glide and curl 4 feet from the boards right in front of him. It’s a great way to maximize the wind on your flow for sure! Don’t fall for that support talk as a centerman either… just haul ass as hard as you can out of the zone, banging your stick on the ice like a mad man! If they can’t get you that miracle sauce up the center, they aren’t real teammates anyway and chances are you are way too good to be on the team in the first place. Defencemen, stop skating with your head up looking for support will you! Bury that head, get on those inside edges and glide your way up the middle… that’s what toe-drags are for right? Don’t worry about that parent yelling “last man back”, coach said parent’s don’t know much anyways!
#2 Way to Lose a Hockey Game- Covering the front of the net
Protect the what? Pssshhhhh… don’t listen to another word of that folklore! We all know who’s running ship around here. Of course you can take a highly improbably chance to squeeze the biscuit out of that pile of guys in the corner. Your brain is telling you to, so why not listen? Get in there, you can’t make matters worse, your team doesn’t have the puck anyways! I mean what are the chances that the puck will actually get to that guy all alone in front? Why should you worry anyways? The tender looked pretty good last practice anyways!
#1 Way to Lose a Hockey Game- Attacking
There is no doubt that the best place on the rink to glide and think is 5 feet inside the offensive blue line. Getting it in deep would be silly; you worked so hard to get the puck, why not hang onto it for as long as possible. There is nothing wrong with gliding over the blue line and looking around for options, it’s a human right. Plus, if you glide long enough, the defenceman might forget you are there! Don’t waste your energy driving hard down the boards either, there’s barely any space! Cut hard into the middle where it’s safe, and make sure to put yourself onto your backhand… your’re so sneaky! When your buddy has the biscuit and you are the closest man to the puck, NEVER drive over for support. Just sit back on those heals and watch. I wonder what he’s going to do next… this is so exciting. If you are F3 on the attack, join in on the watching and glide right through that slot. Don’t drive in hard and push the defenceman back to make no space for no one! I mean, your buddy says you never pass, so the 2 D and the back-checker are his problem now. He should really watch what he wishes for!